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 Fried Chicken and The Pope
 
 
Sep 18, 2006 - 05:02 AM :: Admin :: 1121 Reads
Things that Make you Crack UPAfter watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.

The Pope says, "What can I do?"

The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."

The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words." So the Colonel hangs up.

After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"

And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words."

So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales. The Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican." The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you."

So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican." The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news.

The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."

 
 
 Stockbroker Funnies
 
 
Sep 18, 2006 - 05:02 AM :: Admin :: 1164 Reads
Things that Make you Crack UPTwo women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"

One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a stockbroker!"

The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker!"




A stockbroker says to his colleague, "I don't think this line of work is for you. You just keep losing money all the time."

"You're right," he replied. "My whole life all I've done is lose money".

Next day he comes to work and resigns.

His coworker asks, "What are you going to do for living?"

"I finally figured out how I can make some money from losing money all the time."

"How?"

"I am going to build a web page and take it public."

 
 
 Playing With Words - Part 2
 
 
Sep 18, 2006 - 05:00 AM :: Admin :: 1082 Reads
Things that Make you Crack UP1. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

2. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

3. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

4. A calendar's days are numbered.

5. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

6. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

7. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

8. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

9. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

10. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

11. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

12. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

13. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

14. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

15. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

16. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

17. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
  
 
 Maxims for the Internet Age - Part 2
 
 
Sep 18, 2006 - 05:00 AM :: Admin :: 991 Reads
Things that Make you Crack UPDon't byte off more than you can view.

Fax is stranger than fiction.

What boots up must come down.

Windows will never cease.

In Gates we trust.

Virtual reality is its own reward.

Modulation in all things.

A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

There's no place like http://www.home.com

Know what to expect before you connect.

Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

Speed thrills.		  
 
 Maxims of the Internet Age - Part 1
 
 
Sep 18, 2006 - 05:00 AM :: Admin :: 1060 Reads
Things that Make you Crack UP1) Home is where you hang your @

2) The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

3) A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

4) You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

5) Great groups from little icons grow.

6) Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

7) C: is the root of all directories.

8) Don't put all your hypes in one home page.

9) Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

10) The modem is the message.

11) Too many clicks spoil the browse.

12) The geek shall inherit the earth.

13) A chat has nine lives.

 
 
 Interesting Spotted Signs
 
 
Sep 18, 2006 - 04:59 AM :: Admin :: 1091 Reads
Things that Make you Crack UP1) At a radiator shop: "Best Place in Town to take a Leak".

2) On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

3) On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

4) Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

5) At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout"

6) Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

7) On an electrician's truck "Let us remove your shorts."

8) In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

9) On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

10) At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

11) On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

12) In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

13) On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

14) At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

15) Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
  
 
 Tiger Woods' Mercedes
 
 
Sep 18, 2006 - 04:59 AM :: Admin :: 1166 Reads
Things that Make you Crack UPOn a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes Benz into a gas station in a remote part of the island.


The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Newfoundland manner, completely unaware of who he is.


"Mornin' bye" says the attendant.


Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.


As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.


"What are dey den, son?" asks the attendant.


"They're called tees" replies Tiger.


"Well, what on de good earth are dey for?" inquires the Newfie.


"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving" says Tiger.


"Dem boys at Mercedes tink of everythin?, says the Newfie.
 
 
 Thought You Knew Everything? - Part 2
 
 
Sep 18, 2006 - 04:59 AM :: Admin :: 1053 Reads
Things that Make you Crack UPA snail can sleep for three years.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
 
 
 Weekend Funnies
 
 
Sep 18, 2006 - 04:58 AM :: Admin :: 1101 Reads
Things that Make you Crack UPI bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" 		 
 
 Weekend funnies
 
 
Sep 18, 2006 - 04:58 AM :: Admin :: 1093 Reads
Things that Make you Crack UPTwo rednecks were driving a semi down a road when they came to a viaduct. The sign said 10 feet zero inches, so they got out to measure their truck. Unfortunately, the truck was just over 12 feet high.

They didn't know what to do, when finally one of them looked both directions and said, "I don't see any cops, let's go for it.!"
 
 
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