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All I Need to Know About Life I Learned From Shopping |
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Jun 01, 2006 - 10:25 AM :: Admin :: 918 Reads  Get it now. Tomorrow it might be gone.
If it's on sale, you need it.
Never ask your mother her opinion.
You can always take it back.
You'll grow into it.
By the time you need it, you'll lose ten pounds.
Never believe anyone who says, "It's really you".
If they're working on commission, they're lying.
Know when to yell, "Charge!"
So many malls, so little time.
If you put it on your credit card, it's not really spending money.
Always try to spend someone else's money first.
There's no such thing as compulsive shopping, just enthusiastic shopping.
Shopping is patriotic. It's good for the economy.
If you've still got checks, there must be money in the account.
You can always get more credit.
If you want it, you deserve it.
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Scotsman in Cuba |
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May 31, 2006 - 12:36 PM :: Admin :: 972 Reads A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.
A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says "Alright then" and the man leaves.
The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?"
The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says, "Secret Service!"
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A Physician, a Civil Engineer, and a Consultant |
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May 31, 2006 - 12:34 PM :: Admin :: 1017 Reads A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.
The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."
The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."
The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"
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The Man with Shingles |
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May 27, 2006 - 05:41 PM :: Admin :: 884 Reads A fellow walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
He said, "Shingles."
So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
A few minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles."
So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room.
Ten minutes later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles."
So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
Fifteen minutes later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles."
The doctor said, "Where?"
He said, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"
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Quotes |
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"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."
-- Mustafa Parpia
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Jokes |
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- The Local Game Warden
(Sep 18, 2006)
- The Americans and The Japanese
(Sep 18, 2006)
- The Train Signalman Application
(Sep 18, 2006)
- Wednesday Funnies
(Sep 18, 2006)
- Wednesday Funnies
(Sep 18, 2006)
- Why Did the Chicken cross the Road? -- Part 2
(Sep 18, 2006)
- Journalist Jokes
(Sep 18, 2006)
- Journalist Jokes
(Sep 18, 2006)
- Paper Shredder
(Sep 18, 2006)
- Strength against Age
(Sep 18, 2006)
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